OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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