oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize