we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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