I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that's an acceptable place to lick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
