My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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