Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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