When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
COCAINE IS GR8
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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