Only a mothe r could love this liver
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize