There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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