I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
