Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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