If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
