morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
