Tell her she can't have a vagina
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
