Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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