hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
