no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
