i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize