I bet he comes in French.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
