At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
