Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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