to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it hurts more in the daytime
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
