I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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