Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
