How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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