Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's official drugs can't kill me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
