I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
