Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
