Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
