So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
