ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
