Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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