Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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