I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
