Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
