i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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