So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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