I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
