I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
