I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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