So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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