i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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