She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
