Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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