At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
