If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
