i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
