last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will be naked everywhere
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
