somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
