You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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