she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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