I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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