dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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