I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
