If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
