goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
