You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize