please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
