You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
