But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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