What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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