new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she looked like the before picture.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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