I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
