Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
