I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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