can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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