Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
