If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You made out with two different species that night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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