My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
