you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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