I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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