Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
