I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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