so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Umm I'm too high to move.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize