The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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