he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
