First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
