The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
