You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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