I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
