Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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