I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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