if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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