I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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