Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
