dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
